I attended my first wedding today. But while everyone was enjoying the reception, I was spending most of time thinking about the entire experience. Throughout the entire day, thoughts were seeping into my mind, one after the other, but there was one in particular that really stood out to me: I do not want to have a wedding reception.

Just to be clear: I do want to get married. What I don’t want is a wedding reception. Your wedding is supposed to be a euphoric experience that you hope to last as long as your marriage, but the seemingly infinite pairs of eyes focused on you would be too much for me. The overwhelming attention would turn that day into a nightmare I desperately want to end. I would be counting down the hours, the minutes, and the seconds for the day to end, which is something I don’t think you should feel on your wedding day.

Being in a room full of people with all eyes on me is something I will never ask for. It’s not intimate at all, and intimacy is something that’s very important to me. During my time at the wedding reception, I saw a lot of things. Intimacy was not one of them. There are always people talking, congratulating, and taking pictures with you, that don’t ever get a chance to have an intimate moment with the person you just married, which just feels very wrong to me.

No matter how hard you try to make a wedding intimate, there’s just an insurmountable wall that cannot be climbed over. Sure you can limit the amount of guests to family and a few close friends, but at the end of the day, there are still people there watching you and it feels like they’re intruding. It feels like they’re breaking the bubble of intimacy surrounding you and the person you’re about to begin the rest of your life with, in what should be one of the most intimate moments of any person’s life.

This is why when I get married, I want to elope. There’s just something beautiful about secretly running off together and getting married. It feels right. It’s romantic. It’s poetic. It’s intimate. In fact, I challenge you to find anything that’s more intimate. You’re creating a unique memory that can never be recreated again which, in a world of over 7 billion, only one other person will share. What’s more intimate than that?

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I strive towards a career that ends up leaving me somewhere between Howard Beck and Howard Beale.

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